I am (working title)¹

        1. Shape and movement 

        2. The Human Condition and Psychology 

                2b. Expression of Sexuality and Gender 

                2c. Where Hatred Comes From

                2d. “Clichés” and Vulnerability (also trauma)

                2e. Storytelling and Ritual 

        3. History, Cycles, and the Universe

Imagine that each item on the list above is a bucket of water, and the collection of list-buckets is in one larger bucket. Each smaller bucket is spilling into the others. That is also how I imagine the human brain.

Lists are uncomfortable. As soon as I sit down to write one, all of the “smart” things that should go on the list seem to fly out of my head. Then I sit and stare at the things that I have been able to remember and write down. I’m struck with the fear that I’m forgetting the really important things that should be on the list and therefore the list isn’t worth using or reading or finding any truth in. But I started this with a list. We’ll see if I remember what I think I’m forgetting. 

Footnotes are included throughout; feel free to read them before, after, or while reading the rest of what I have to say. Each of those options will give you a very different experience. 

        1. Shape and Movement

When I see people move their bodies to make hyper-authentic or purposefully inauthentic shapes, theatricalized shapes, something swells under my ribcage.² Something expansive that spreads into my hands and my feet, that itches for me to join them.³ This happens especially when I see them feel each movement in their hands and their feet and underneath their ribcage.⁴

I love moving, dancing when I finally get the steps right, and breathing with my whole body.

I love watching others do the same.

I’m interested in why movement like that makes me expand. I think the only way to figure it out is to create and perform movement that makes me feel that way. I think it’s something about truth. 

        2. The Human Condition and Psychology 

While interviewing one of my favorite playwrights; Madeleine George, I asked her why she was an artist.⁵ She wasn’t sure why and she said that if she did know why, she wouldn’t have any reason to create art; the mystery of it keeps her working far more than her love of the art form itself. I identified with her continuous motivation to discover the truth about herself and potentially humanity as a whole. This is not just an artist's conundrum but in many ways the human’s conundrum. We see reflections of philosophers, preachers, politicians and “the common man” tormented with the big Questions constantly in history and media. Treating each project as a “what if?” or “why?” creates a universality, flexibility, and timelessness that plays especially well in the theatre. 

No matter how much effort a director puts into making every part of their theatrical piece specific and unchanging, once the performers are in front of an audience something will change every time. I imagine a performance as trying to make purple from red and blue paints. The audience will always bring a slightly different shade or amount of red, and the performer’s shade and amount of blue may shift too. It can never and will never be exactly the same, and that is what makes it live theatre. That being said, the director is still curating a journey for the audience; a path through their story. This path may vary depending on the conditions of the room, and because the shades of red and blue are unpredictable; the director must rely on something other than complete control of the final product to ground the experience.⁶ I believe that the key to “grounding” exists in truth, and because questioning seems to be the most universal human truth—it is one of the most consistently effective theatrical themes. The Question, the pushing of limits, the “what-if” with no singular answer, is both typical and radical. I would much rather an audience leave a theatrical piece of mine asking questions of the world and each other, than firmly believing something that I convinced them to believe. I prefer to leave performances questioning the world around me.⁷ If a theatrical piece leaves you with questions, it prompts you as an audience member to take action. Questions are the superpower of the theatre.

I think in many ways like most people, my Gender and sexuality are a significant part of my Question.⁸ One doesn’t have to be questioning whether they’re Transgender to be questioning their Gender, nor do they have to be questioning if they’re a different labeled “sexuality” to be questioning their sexuality. It’s a part of being human.⁹ This question is another one that a storyteller may draw on to connect with an audience/truth. 

Not only are Gender and sexuality¹⁰ a part of humanity’s Question, but they are also a substantial way that people are classified in culture. Gender and sexuality by proxy, (in American culture at the very least) are two of the main things that we attempt to parse out from a first impression.¹¹ Therefore, before a character becomes defined by their actions, they are defined by their Gender. A character’s personal understanding of their gender and the expectations surrounding them based on their perceived identity impact their self-image, emotional responses,¹² and physicality. No matter the character, understanding the root of their gender expression allows a gateway into many aspects of their whole self. As a director and actor, my first step to understanding a character is analyzing them on a gender and sexuality spectrum.  

While analyzing a character in this way is a helpful jumping-off point and overview of their characterization, it’s important to dive deeper into their expression to fully understand the way they function. Find cultural references, and identities to inspire your character’s gender and then ask How would this influence them? A character that is hyper-masculine and one that’s hyper-feminine might hold a lot of tension in their body while they walk for slightly different reasons.¹³ A character’s gender is not the end all be all, but it is a first impression and I’ve found it to be incredibly useful to prompt the important Questions. 

Where Questions are, Hatred tends to seep in.¹⁴ It is undoubtedly an aspect of humanity and human history that is somehow baked into our psychology. Hate is a defensive emotion. It’s an amalgamation of a survivalist kind of fear and raw hurting.¹⁵ The pathway out of Hatred is through initial awareness and ultimate questioning.¹⁶ If a director or creator wants to prompt a true “questioning” of an audience’s hatred, they cannot lecture. Lecturing an audience on “why they shouldn’t hate,” is ineffective. Instead, they must create a way for the audience to empathize or identify with the hated.¹⁷ There is a “human truth,” and art that finds that and displays it is the art that has the potential to make the most change in an individual.¹⁸

Art does not have to have the goal to change the minds of Haters. Art that exists for a group of people to bask in their specific human experience is just as valid and can be just as powerful. Art that’s angry and defensive is still art. An artist can decide what to prioritize. Art that searches for Human truth is harder to make. Art that expresses an individual experience is harder to perform. I want to attempt both. 

All art requires some sort of vulnerability. The act of creating is a vulnerable act. Therefore while creating artists often bump up against “Clichés” and Trauma.¹⁹ In a rehearsal, writing, or devising process it’s almost impossible not to question whether the story you’re telling is worth being told.²⁰ This is especially true when it comes to aspects of creation that are informed by an artist's own life experience.²¹ There is an immense pressure to create something “new,” “unique enough,” and “emotionally compelling” enough. This can lead to creators losing sight of what exactly they're trying to do and performances becoming a wallowing pity party. An audience doesn’t want to watch a list of all the terrible things that happened to you. Theatre is not therapy.²² An audience also doesn’t want to watch you talk about how different you are. It is not a contest. 

I reject “Clichés.” They do not exist when it comes to making art about your authentic experience.²³ You fell in love, you got hurt, you questioned your identity; so did everyone else.²⁴ Your uniqueness doesn’t have to come in the story you tell, but it should then come in the way you tell it. I am most interested in old stories told in weird new ways, and weird new stories told in old ways.²⁵ Play with form, but don’t shy away from something if it feels true to you and you want to explore it just because a Hater told you “It’s cliché.” They’re just afraid to be vulnerable. 

Storytelling and theatre themselves are human truths.²⁶ We express ourselves and gather through stories. Experiencing catharsis with other people while watching a play is spiritual, it is a vital part of existing as a person. Stories are where we get our values, our dreams, and our fears. The creation and telling of stories come from human need.

Theatre and stories should be prioritized as powerful and spiritual aspects of human culture.²⁷

       3. History, Cycles and the Universe 

Everything repeats.²⁸ Everything that has happened to you has happened to someone else at some point. There must be something about truth hidden in a continuous repetition.²⁹